I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.

I am best viewed from a distance.

I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.

I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.