I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.

I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organize everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.

I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.

Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.