The fact is that Britain is the most warlike nation on earth. In the history of armed combat, we are the only democracy to have declared war on another democracy - England versus Finland in the second world war, in case you're interested - and we're always at the front of the queue when Johnny Foreigner gets a bit uppity. Who stood up to the Kaiser? Who stood up to Adolf? And let's not forget the Argies. What other country would have sent its fleet halfway round the world and lost 250 men to protect a flock of sheep and some oil that might or might not be there? We're still at it.

Extravagant is, I think, the word we all thought when we met ... A lot of money went into that [The Grand Tour's ]. I just thought it would be a good idea to have a bridge from the old to the new and that was a way of saying 'Right, well now look where we are.'

This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

My epiglottis is full of bees!

If I like somebody else's tribe I'm going to promote the hell out of it. The whole thing is a democracy, and if somebody's more popular then good luck to them.

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.