Unlike furious thin-lipped feminists, I tend not to draw distinctions between men and women, apart from in bed where you really do need to spot the difference.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Because drug dealers shoot each other in London, Norfolk farmers can't have guns to defend their homes. I mean, no one wants a gun - except at 4am when they hear a strange sound in the kitchen.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?

I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'

I started to realise that being impolite saves an awful lot of time and costs you nothing.

They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.