I'm a horse of a man!

No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.

There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.

If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?

Unlike furious thin-lipped feminists, I tend not to draw distinctions between men and women, apart from in bed where you really do need to spot the difference.

Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.