I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t

It was as relaxing as being tickled.

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.

If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!

If I like somebody else's tribe I'm going to promote the hell out of it. The whole thing is a democracy, and if somebody's more popular then good luck to them.

I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?