I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'

Hollywood movies are designed for 15-year-old youths from North Dakota who, intellectually speaking, are on equal terms with a British zoo animal.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.

All this health and safety talk is just killing me.

You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!

If I like somebody else's tribe I'm going to promote the hell out of it. The whole thing is a democracy, and if somebody's more popular then good luck to them.