I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.

Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.

If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?

There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.

Unlike furious thin-lipped feminists, I tend not to draw distinctions between men and women, apart from in bed where you really do need to spot the difference.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate. And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.