I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!

Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That's the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!

Like every big organisation these days, the BBC is obsessed with the wellbeing of those who set foot on its premises. Studios must display warning notices if there is real glass on the set, and the other day I was presented with a booklet explaining how to use a door. I am not kidding.