If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?

Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.

You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite

Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.

Does anyone really imagine for a moment that my wife gives two stuffs about global warming? She certainly did not appear to be all that bothered on Thursday evening when, during the great carbon-saving switch-off, I ran round the house furiously turning on every light, hair dryer, dishwasher and toaster.

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.