Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler

I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.

Looking good in Italy is even more important than looking where you're going.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

I wore a groove in the kitchen floor with endless trips to the fridge, hoping against hope that I had somehow missed a plateful of cold sausages on the previous 4,000 excursions. Then, for no obvious reason, I decided to buy a footstool.