Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

All this health and safety talk is just killing me.

Then there’s the biggest problem of them all – the problem of being in an Audi TT when you are not called Angela. I do not know why it can be driven by only people named Angela, but that’s a fact and there’s nothing we can do about it. If you have a TT and you aren’t called Angela, you have the wrong car.

They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!

The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!