There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.

Looking good in Italy is even more important than looking where you're going.

Mix an anorexic body with a heart made of pure fire and you are going to go with a savagery that's hard to explain.

This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.

Unlike furious thin-lipped feminists, I tend not to draw distinctions between men and women, apart from in bed where you really do need to spot the difference.