Because drug dealers shoot each other in London, Norfolk farmers can't have guns to defend their homes. I mean, no one wants a gun - except at 4am when they hear a strange sound in the kitchen.

We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.

I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.

Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.

It's just thinking of funny things that will amuse us and entertain us and we'll come and do it.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!