If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian's Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: 'Good riddance to the lot of you, and take your stupid bagpipes with you.'

If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?

Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.

Boredom forces you to ring people you haven’t seen for eighteen years and halfway through the conversation you remember why you left it so long. Boredom means you start to read not only mail-order catalogues but also the advertising inserts that fall on the floor. Boredom gives you half a mind to get a gun and go berserk in the local shopping centre, and you know where this is going. Eventually, boredom means you will take up golf.

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.

I love Alfa Romeos and that [Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio] was tremendous.