Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.

I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!

Boredom forces you to ring people you haven’t seen for eighteen years and halfway through the conversation you remember why you left it so long. Boredom means you start to read not only mail-order catalogues but also the advertising inserts that fall on the floor. Boredom gives you half a mind to get a gun and go berserk in the local shopping centre, and you know where this is going. Eventually, boredom means you will take up golf.

I started to realise that being impolite saves an awful lot of time and costs you nothing.

They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.

Mix an anorexic body with a heart made of pure fire and you are going to go with a savagery that's hard to explain.

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t