The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!

You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.

All this health and safety talk is just killing me.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170 is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage. In front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.