The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!

If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!

Then there’s the biggest problem of them all – the problem of being in an Audi TT when you are not called Angela. I do not know why it can be driven by only people named Angela, but that’s a fact and there’s nothing we can do about it. If you have a TT and you aren’t called Angela, you have the wrong car.

Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That's the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.

Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”