The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!

Hollywood movies are designed for 15-year-old youths from North Dakota who, intellectually speaking, are on equal terms with a British zoo animal.

The "public" seems to have bought into this belief that life can, and should, be run without risk, that all accidents are avoidable, and that death is something that only happens to people who eat meat and smoke.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler

.. international hand of freindship. A cigarette

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t

There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.