I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

Fatherhood makes you cute. Women find bumbling fathers cute and attractive.

But I don't want to be a pirate!

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'

I love being a dad. I just love it.