Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message.

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.

Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic.

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?