I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.

See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.

They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.

I love the day date. No wine, no shower.

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?