Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
Jerry SeinfeldThen, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.
Jerry SeinfeldSurveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
Jerry SeinfeldAll magic is 'Hereโs a quarter, now itโs gone. Youโre a jerk. Now itโs back. Youโre an idiot. Showโs over.'
Jerry Seinfeld