I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.

Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.

It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend. That's what the library is. A government funded pathetic friend.

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire

I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.