When you've been in the business 5-years, as a person, it's like you're 5-years old - like a child. 10-years and you're 10-years old, 20... Etcetera. That's how I measure maturity in this industry.

Why would anybody want a friend?

Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.

The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,"Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?"

If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.