What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
Jerry SeinfeldWe want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
Jerry SeinfeldIf aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
Jerry Seinfeld