Men want to make women happy.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.