Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?

Success is the enemy of comedy.

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!

I'd like to do one of those jumps they do in the movies; in a car, over a bridge, in the air with a huge explosion. It would be a final moment of entertainment.

Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.

Having fun is a very particular skill. And not everyone has that skill.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.