I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to.

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'

Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy... Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on the sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it."

Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.