Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.

I like any cereal. I like the idea of just eating and drinking with one hand without looking.

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.

I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Festivus for the Restivus!