People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."