If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire
Festivus for the Restivus!
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
The best revenge is living well.
Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.