Nothing spoils lunch any quicker than a rogue meatball rampaging through your spaghetti.

Great chefs know it's the appearance of food that counts...but great eaters know its the amount of food that counts

In my head, the sky is blue, the grass is green and cats are orange.

I thought you were dead, Mr. McCandles.

My dream in life is to write the one gag that makes everyone in the world laugh.

We have a group of people now who think they own the state. Its disgusting.

There is never a need to outrun anything you can outwit.