One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.
Jim GaffiganIsn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.
Jim GaffiganI think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.
Jim GaffiganI need the concept of mercy for me to have some semblance of self-admiration. So in real life, I'm probably somebody who is more devout.
Jim GaffiganI'm a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, and that's the only thing I know. I don't know anything else.
Jim GaffiganNo matter how you feel about your extended family or family gatherings you will be attending. This is because now the ultimate reason for attending family gatherings is for your children to have the time of their lives with their cousins. Little kids love their cousins. Iโm not being cute or exaggerating here. Cousins are like celebrities for little kids. If little kids had a People magazine, cousins would be on the cover. Cousins are the barometers of how fun a family get-together will be. โAre the cousins going to be there? Fun!
Jim Gaffigan