Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

I've always been somebody that it takes me longer to learn things, but once I learn them... I'm like a quarterback that plays best in the fourth quarter.

One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.

Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it's usually a sign of laziness.

Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them; they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share his expertise on the different cuts of beef and how they're going to cut up your baked potato.

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

The whole idea of celebrity is flattering - it helps you get into restaurants and stuff - but once you obtain some creative fulfillment, which you do on a nightly basis as a comedian, it's hard to give that up just to be the wacky neighbor on a show.