Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy."

Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.

I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.

Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'

Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it"