I come from a very big family. Nine parents.

I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.

Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."

I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, "Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him?" So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.