Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.
Jim GaffiganHow about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.
Jim GaffiganGyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.
Jim Gaffigan