Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

I don't have any delusions. I'm not a novelist - I'm a comedian who writes. I love doing the stand-up and the touring and the albums and all that, but it's pretty amazing to go into a library and see your book there.

The whole idea of celebrity is flattering - it helps you get into restaurants and stuff - but once you obtain some creative fulfillment, which you do on a nightly basis as a comedian, it's hard to give that up just to be the wacky neighbor on a show.

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

There has been this belief among the Catholic community - and this - I'm no expert, this is my opinion - that cafeteria Catholics are wrong.

When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me - I'm 43, balding, blond, whatever - there's something absolutely invigorating about winning them over. Even if it's eight people from Sweden who don't understand what I'm talking about.

You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, 'Continued on page six'? I'm , 'Not for me. I'm done.'