Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it.

Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.