It is amazing how much more amazing sleep is in the morning. You wake up and you're like, "I stayed up to do what?! Watch Growing Pains? What was I thinking!?" But at night you're like, "La La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, awesome! And I've seen this episode. That Kirk Cameron's always in trouble."

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Some fast food places, they have that ketchup pump. It's like a keg. They give you the paper shot glass. I always like to hang around there, try and meet the ladies. "Here, I'll pump for you. You come to this Wendy's often? My roommate and I, we got a pony pump back at my dorm. Here's an extra shot "

It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”