Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?

You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, "These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent."

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.

Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.

Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it"