The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, "You should be the head of the sitcom!" Or you're given no respect, where they're like, "You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down."

I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.

Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both sides.

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.

For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.

It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.