The whole idea of celebrity is flattering - it helps you get into restaurants and stuff - but once you obtain some creative fulfillment, which you do on a nightly basis as a comedian, it's hard to give that up just to be the wacky neighbor on a show.

When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.

If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?

Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy."

Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.