The whole idea of celebrity is flattering - it helps you get into restaurants and stuff - but once you obtain some creative fulfillment, which you do on a nightly basis as a comedian, it's hard to give that up just to be the wacky neighbor on a show.

It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'

Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which is that I'm a dad who had no idea what he's doing.

What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'

Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.

You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.