Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.

Some people have their own bowling ball and their own bowling shoes... and no friends.

Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'

Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which is that I'm a dad who had no idea what he's doing.

Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.

Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.