I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

Some fast food places, they have that ketchup pump. It's like a keg. They give you the paper shot glass. I always like to hang around there, try and meet the ladies. "Here, I'll pump for you. You come to this Wendy's often? My roommate and I, we got a pony pump back at my dorm. Here's an extra shot "

I realize I look very hip hop but I'm really more emo with a definite Brazilian flavor.

Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.