I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"

I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.

I don't want people to think I believe in God.

Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?

If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.

I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, "I'm going to read this script like six times," and I only read it the initial time.

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!