I need the concept of mercy for me to have some semblance of self-admiration. So in real life, I'm probably somebody who is more devout.

Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.

I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.

You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."

I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, "Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him?" So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.