I need the concept of mercy for me to have some semblance of self-admiration. So in real life, I'm probably somebody who is more devout.

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food growing up.

Cancer is always funny.

For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.