Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way to much time online.

Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.

You didn't question - kind of like, you would go to college. You would wear a tie to work. You would, you know, you would work for 40 years. And then you would play golf for three years, and then you would die. That was how I was raised.

I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

It's a balancing act of you feel horrible that you're away but there is something about the road that is rather liberating.

I kind of consider myself... I mean, I try to have my comedy be accessible, and if people are paying $30 to see me in a theater and they want to have their picture taken with me, it's not the end of the world. It's one of those things, where I'm not the only comic who does it. A lot of comics do it. If I'm doing a 4,000-seat venue, it might be a little bit of a different task, but it's all good.