Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.

For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny.

Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.