I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."

How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.

My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.

Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.

I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.