I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.