I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
Mario you are a great chef but you look like a homeless James Gandolfini.
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.
The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?