That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?

You look like a diabetic strip club owner.

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.