People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno's statue. It couldn't help you any less than the real Joe would have.

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll do really good for a while, and then I do bad, then I do really good.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.