People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.